ch-ch-ch-changes

These are the things that have happened to me recently.

I've quit my job. It was an awful place that I hated and now I'm free of it and that is one of the best things ever. I've started a new job where I'll hopefully make a bunch more money and be around way nicer people. Which is also a good thing.

My cell phone decided to take a swan dive into my toilet and commit suicide by flushing itself. It literally flushed, in the sense that it is now either somewhere in my buildings pipe system or it's in a sewage plant. I got myself a new phone which is good, it's a phone I've wanted for some time and I'm super happy about it, but not so happy that now my bill will be higher since I've joined the technology age and upgraded to a smart phone. It's pretty though.

I've put my plans to move to Mexico on hold for the time being. I want to go there so badly but money and life are preventing that from being a real possibility. Since the break up I've been trying to figure out a way to make it happen without help and I just don't know where to start at this point. It's like the universe is screwing with my ability to plan and making me dumb when it comes to follow through.

I keep dreaming about it though. That I'm there and making it happen. I've got a million stories to write and I spend my days in coffee shops writing the great American novel via Mexico. It's hard to wake up from those dreams filled with bright colors and wonderful smells and so much warmth and go back to the spring in Chicago. It's colder than I'd like it to be and the people here aren't getting any warmer with the slight increase in degrees.

Since putting the plan on hold for the time being I've decided I do need to get out of Chicago still. My sights are set on the west coast. L.A. to be exact. I've started to think I can move toward Mexico.

It's funny because in my whole life I've known so many people who have moved from the Midwest to California for various reasons but I never saw myself as someone who would ever move to California. Maybe I always thought that because secretly all the music I've loved throughout my life painted this picture of California making things better and I knew if I jumped on that bandwagon and headed out west I would be sadly disappointed when my life remained the same the location just became different.

I've found it's hard to find a way out right now. I was doing okay money wise and the winter working at that crap job I had really cemented me here. I hate feeling stuck and now I fear that I am. It causes me a lot of anxiety. I've started looking all over the internet for possible writing jobs in the L.A. area but I've found none that seem promising. At my age it seems as though everyone moves out of state or country for a job and here I am at 26 working as a server/bartender to try and pay my way and hoping to muscle my way past a bunch of out of work actors and models for a spot at some place in sunny California that would want to take me as apposed to bimbo barbie.

For now the job search continues in those parts. I'm hoping that this new lease on life in the employment sense will give me more time to focus on my writing and maybe I'll start penning the great American novel now with some vain hope that I'll be able to get a grant or some sort of stipend that would allow me to leave this life of crime.

Another big change coming up is my golden birthday. Which also causes me a lot of anxiety. Turning 27 seemed like the perfect thing to do in Mexico with Jose. We had a lot of plans for my birthday since I was going to spend it in Oaxaca. A baseball game, possible trip to the ocean, more good food and fun times. I think with the change of job I would have been much better out there. Happier than I was the first time. With the birthday approaching next month and me realizing it's coming I've started to think about where I want to spend the big day and how I want to spend it. The same answer comes about. I want to spend it in Oaxaca with him. Even though we've started to talk again and he's given me the impression that he wants to get back together I know that's not possible. I know that I can't go back. But knowing that breaks my heart.

I'm starting to feel older than I'd like and I feel like that oldness is causing me to run out of time. Wouldn't it be nice if some rich person found me and decided to give me a bunch of money to facilitate me moving to Mexico. I think my Spanish has improved markedly since I've been taking this class and will continue to improve through out the next few months before I bid this city farewell. I just really wish my sites were still set and focused on Mexico, but without help how am I supposed to move to a foreign country where I've not yet mastered the language and know without that finding a job will prove to be difficult?

Jose once told me that I could live for six months to a year without working on like five thousand dollars U.S. If only I had some money.... I could make my dreams come true.