So I made my decision yesterday. I'm not going. It was a decision based on how i feel about Jose.
He said that he misses me and that's why he wants me to come there, to see me, but I don't know what would happen and I'm scared if I went I would love him more than I do now and have to deal with the heartbreak all over again.
Everyone has told me I made the right decision, and at the moment I was making it, I knew it was right too. But now, I feel bad inside. Empty maybe or sad. Like this wasn't what I wanted or it isn't the right choice.
I feel like I need the closure and I need to know how he really feels about me and that was the reason for going. I also feel like I deserve more than a boy who gave me up too easily. I want someone who thinks the world of me and who would fight for me. I'm pretty sure Jose's not that guy. And I do love him, with all my heart. I don't want anyone but him, and I probably wont for a long time, but until I can know for sure how he feels either way, I have to stay in the states.
So now what am I going to do on my birthday?
Probably work.
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