So it's looking like the plans are changing again. Story of my life. It's starting to feel like I'm wasting my time making plans. Sometimes I wonder if there already is a plan. I'm not a religious person, I don't believe in a higher power per say. It would be nice to know I was on some other plan though. That there was a plan.
Pepe decided that he's too afraid to live with me. I'm not entirely sure what that means but I do know he's a very selfish and immature person so there could be a million reasons. With that I will now be making this journey completely alone. My own fear level just sky rocketed.
I have so many apprehensions in my mind and in my heart that it's probably going to make me freak out at some point.
I feel like I'm playing the worst game of 52 card pickup ever. It seems like just when I think I've gotten most of the deck picked up and set aside a gust of wind blows or some asshole comes along and knocks all the cards back down so I have to start over.
I'm not sure which is more stressful for me now. Not knowing how I'm going to find an apartment and figure out all of this stuff on my own or how I'm going to afford it. I had a plan for the money that I have, I had a plan for a lot of this situation. Now It's looking like everything is changing.
I would have had access to a vehicle, someone to help show me around, someone to explain to me how to turn on the gas so I could take a hot shower. Now I feel like some helpless little girl because I'm afraid that I'm not going to be able to do this alone. It's so stupid because I have done a million things on my own. I've always been on my own this isn't anything different. It's just another chapter in my life of loneliness.
I can say that after living in Michigan for the past however many months, one stupid boy isn't going to stop me from getting out of here. I'll do it, it's just going to be more difficult than I originally thought.
I just wish someone would help me.
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