Is any of this real?
That's the question I've been asking myself a lot lately. Is any of what I'm doing actually real? My life has consisted of such routine and mundane things for the past I don't even know how long that taking a leap like this just seems impossible. It's almost as if the past 2 months of planning has all been a dream.
I have the tickets in my in box, I have the passport next to me on my desk. I have the Spanish lessons in front of me and the words I need to know in my head. I have to do lists and ideas of what to pack. But is it really going to happen?
It' s always been easy for me to make a plan and picture it happening. I can see myself acting out the things I've set my mind to. It's never been difficult imagining what a concert will be like when I'm excited to see a band, or visualizing an event I've worked so hard for finally taking place, a vacation I've wanted to take is easy to imagine in my mind.
Mexico is so close I can smell the tortilla's, but it still doesn't feel real. I wonder if it will at any point in time before I get on that airplane. Will it set in when I'm on the road back to Detroit? Or when I'm packing my duffel bag? Will I actually have to arrive for my layover in Mexico City before I suddenly go "Oh man I'm totally in Mexico!"
I try to picture myself there and I get nothing. Try to imagine what it will be like to eat good food and smell the air and see the city and Jose. I want so badly to have an idea in my head of what things will be like but I'm left with nothing. Just this feeling in my gut that something will keep me from going there... that none of this is real.
No comments:
Post a Comment